I have learned to watch what people ask of me.
Some people leave a conversation with a clearer sense of what I could become. Others leave me with another obligation, another favour, or another piece of work that somehow became mine. Both may sound supportive. Only one is genuinely invested in my progress.
That distinction matters more than I once realised. Time is limited, attention is fragile, and the people around me quietly shape where both are spent.
Support has a different sound
I can usually recognise healthy support by the questions behind it.
A person who is invested in my growth asks what I am trying to build, what I am learning, and where I keep getting stuck. They challenge my thinking without trying to take control. They celebrate progress even when there is nothing in it for them.
A person who mainly values my usefulness asks whether I can fix something, introduce someone, review a document, or make their problem disappear.
I have found that generosity without boundaries eventually becomes availability on demand. That is not friendship, mentoring, or partnership. It is a service arrangement nobody bothered to name.
Technology makes the pattern easier to miss
Microsoft 365 can make collaboration remarkably easy, but ease is not the same as balance.
I can be added to a Teams chat, mentioned in a channel, copied into an Outlook thread, and assigned a Planner task before I have even decided whether the work belongs with me. Copilot can then help me summarise the conversation, draft the reply, and turn the request into actions. That saves time, but it does not make the request important.
I still need to exercise judgement.
Before I respond, I can ask Copilot in Outlook to summarise what is actually being requested and identify the commitments already sitting in the thread. I can review the result and ask myself a more human question: is this a worthwhile exchange, or am I simply the fastest route to somebody else’s outcome?
That small pause matters. Productivity tools help me process work. They should not decide which relationships deserve unlimited access to me.
The right circle does not always feel comfortable
The people who genuinely back me are not necessarily the people who agree with me.
They may tell me that an idea is weak, that I am avoiding a difficult decision, or that my calendar reflects everybody else’s priorities. The difference is intent. Their challenge points me towards better work and a stronger version of myself. It does not make me smaller so I remain convenient.
I also need to return that standard. If I want thoughtful people around me, I cannot treat them as a shortcut, a contact list, or an emergency help desk. I need to be curious about where they are going, not merely grateful for what they can do for me.
Relationships reveal themselves through repetition. I notice who checks in after the difficult week. I notice who shares an opportunity without attaching a debt. I notice who can hear “not this time” without turning the relationship cold.
I now protect time for those people. Not because every interaction produces an immediate result, but because good relationships expand what I believe is possible.
I will still help widely. I will still be generous. But I will pay closer attention to the direction of the exchange.
The best people in my circle do not keep a running total. They help me stand taller, think more clearly, and move towards work that matters. My job is to recognise them, make room for them, and become that kind of person in return.
CIAOPS 